You really can just be yourself

For many years, I felt I had forced myself to morph and fit into the molds surrounding me to fit in and build a community.

Go to school and impress your teachers—be who they expect you to be.

Go to college and make friends with those around you—find the commonalities because your options are limited.

Get a job and become the person who succeeds and makes your boss look good—try to connect with your colleagues, even if these are people you’d never choose to spend your time with.

Can you see yourself in similar situations?

We feel this way through no fault of our own. The systems we’ve created facilitate and reward this behavior, this idea that we must sacrifice various parts of ourselves to fit into environments, circumstances, and the world around us.

But this way of living can also make us feel misaligned, offbeat, and like we’re spending our time unintentionally, merely going through the motions rather than building each moment to fit who we are. It’s made it much more challenging to cultivate deep, meaningful relationships.

I’ve struggled with this through various phases in my life and can always spot it in hindsight, but I never felt confident in my ability to get ahead of it.

That is, up until recently, when I realized a simple and incredibly effective truth: We are not made to fit into molds that don’t hold our shape. When you embrace who you are—your values, interests, beliefs, quirks, and everything in between—you no longer have to force connection or feel limited to select environments. You’ll attract authentic ones.

I’m starting to reap the benefits of the time I’ve spent “unbecoming” parts of myself that were built for others.

I’ve had three conversations this week (and a few I’ve previously written about) with people I’ve attracted into my orbit simply by being me. By showing up online and in person, standing on the foundation that what you see is what you get, I’ve attracted conversations that:

• Fostered a post-call energy high that fueled me for hours after we spoke

• Opened the door for appreciative expressions like, “I can’t believe how fortunate I feel to have crossed your path.”

• Dove so deep into value-aligned story exchanges, inducing frisson in the form of goosebumps trickling up and down my arms

Being yourself is more than enough. Don’t let any environment, half-hearted relationship, or forced friendship suggest otherwise.

The more you show up without layers masking who you are, the more you’ll attract the right community.

And what better way to live an intentional life than to be surrounded by people who fill your cup, make you smile, and genuinely support you? In life’s moments, from the extraordinary to the heartbreaking, the people we surround ourselves with are all we have.

This week's lesson was inspired by a conversation with my sweet friend and fellow writer, Dana Colucci. Thank you, Dana, for sharing your light, insights, and energy. 

Time Well Spent: Weekly Roundup

1. Many Millennials don’t like talking on the phone, especially when it’s unexpected. (I almost always fall into this bucket…). But earlier this week, my best friend from college (hi, Natasha 💜) FaceTimed me unplanned, and I immediately picked up my phone. She’s busy raising my sweet nephew, so the moments we catch up face-to-face are precious. I cherish our time together, so I’m willing to break my “let it go to voicemail” bad habit. Answering on the spot was intentional and left my cup overflowing.

2. I will be the first to admit that thinking about spending your time more intentionally can feel overwhelming. I am a chronic overthinker (anyone else?). Still, I’m learning and enjoying experimenting with time and adopting habits that feel good, even if I didn’t necessarily set out to make them a habit. The latest is a midday lunch walk with my husband. We started walking around our neighborhood to ease back into movement after having the flu. We’ve quickly adopted a daily walking habit. When something feels good, chase it!

3. A blog post by Jodi Wellman caught my eye this week, and I’m still thinking about it. (By the way, I mentioned Jodi Wellman and her incredible book You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets* in the first-ever issue of Time Intentional; check it out!) Her blog post, The Benefits of a Tomfoolery-Filled Life, challenges the notion that we don’t always need to “act our age” and can indulge in shenanigans, joy, and tomfoolery to live a fun-filled life. In my mind, an intentional life should definitely include fun in every decade!

4. This one was too good not to share! It’s been pretty windy in Denver, and trash has blown all over our local area. On a long walk on Friday afternoon, I picked up a few large pieces of trash in our neighborhood. I passed a couple as I rounded the corner toward my home, and the woman looked over at me and said, “That’s so kind of you!” She smiled at me and gave me a thumbs-up. Small, simple actions make a big difference.

The Takeaways

• Challenge the ways you typically interact with the world. What’s a habit you can bend on for more intentionality?

• Intentionality doesn’t always require careful, extensive planning. Where can you run experiments with your time? What activities or habits might you adopt from experiments that feel good?

• Have more fun! Where can you infuse some intentional fun and silliness into your life?

• What small, intentional actions might you incorporate into how you already spend your time? (Money isn’t always required here!)

Explore all past prompts here!

Time Intentional 🕰️ Reader Love 💞

• One Time Intentional reader (who I’m choosing to keep anonymous for privacy reasons) reached out to me this week and shared that this past issue inspired them to decline an opportunity that looked good on paper but didn’t necessarily feel like the best, most intentional use of their time. It made my week!

• I spoke with Tiffany and Dana this week, and both mentioned how much they enjoy reading this newsletter. Your kindness and readership keeps me going; thank you ✨

Thanks for reading! I won’t make any promises, but if you have a topic related to intentionality that you’re thinking about or could use some help with, I encourage you to email me! Reply to this email (or any issue of Time Intentional). I always reply! 📨

I’m Alyssa Towns, and this is Time Intentional, a newsletter exploring what it means to spend our limited (and precious) time intentionally. Only you can decide how to spend your time in a way that feels intentional!

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In addition to writing Time Intentional, I’m a freelance writer and content creator who enjoys partnering with brands to build better workplaces (because we spend a lot of time at work!). Learn more about my areas of specialization on my website!

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